Freelancing stinks

Oh yes,  being a freelancer can be great when work is plentiful, and  there always seems to be another job around the corner. 

It really stinks  when there are no job  prospects and you have to get on the phone and look for work.

dialing for dollars as they call it. 

I hate that.

Thank God for the internet. Hey, you can email people and inquire about jobs  without actually talking to anyone . How perfect is that? But how successful. Don't you have to suffer and grovel to actually get a job. Or at least put the good karma out there that you need a job?

And of course, the job always comes from the most surprising place.  but you have to put out that call, the good karma call. The call that says that you are "ready, willing and able" to grovel for work.

I remember in the early 90's when we had that recession period, and work was slow.

There was one week  when the majority of the union was out of work. It was a hard time and I realized that I loved my job, but hated looking for work.

But how can you be a freelancer and not be able to handle the down time. Isn't the looking for work  part of the job? 

But oh how I hate it.

My uncle Roy always thought a freelancer should have a bag packed so that when they finish a project, they can leave on a trip somewhere. Oh, if only there wasn't the mortgage to pay or the child to look after or the husband to attend to.

If only life were so easy.

I did try changing careers in the 90's. I went to social work school with the thought of becoming a psychotherapist. I went part time for 2 years or so. But, coincidentally, the economy improved and my career became more and more successful.

 It became necessary to make a choice - Social work or set decorating. Drum roll please.

I couldn't do it.

 I wasn't ready to change careers. My identity was too closely linked with earning a good living and being a sucessful set decorator. I guess I loved what I was doing.

But don't get me wrong. I loved reading about Winnicott, Freud, Margaret Mahler, Horney and child psychology.  What I hated was statistics and the thought of being a social worker.

I realized I was lucky to have a career in which I could spend my days deciding which fabric worked with what paint which worked with which pieces of furniture  as opposed to the more serious pursuits of social work. 

And I don't think I'm a shallow person. I am just a visual person who loves to solve visual problems, not social ones. 

And so, here I am again.  facing the telephone. Who to call? When will I work again? Hey, I wish I had a real career, whatever that would be? Oh yes, I could have been a social worker or psychotherapist.

You know that expression, You are only as good as your last job?  But my last job was good, wasn't it? Shoulder to shoulder with Meryl Streep, Steve Martin, Beth Rubino and all that?

It's terrible being freelance. You always feel like you are starting over, that is till the phone rings again.